SEC football: 'The Coordinators' - Cincinnati News, FOX19-WXIX TV

SEC football: 'The Coordinators'

Connor Shaw has a near-perfect game against Mizzou on Saturday. (Source: South Carolina Athletics) Connor Shaw has a near-perfect game against Mizzou on Saturday. (Source: South Carolina Athletics)
The giraffe's fighting skills are only enhanced by its adorable exterior. (Source: wwarby/Flickr) The giraffe's fighting skills are only enhanced by its adorable exterior. (Source: wwarby/Flickr)

(RNN) – Sports are not only a source of entertainment; they can also be a source of inspiration. They can even inspire someone to start his own college football team.

There have been a long list of "mismatches" on the SEC schedule this year, as my pal the Line King pointed out – teams like Presbyterian, Savannah State, Florida Atlantic (twice) and Towson.

Nothing against those teams, each is filled with good athletes and hard-working coaches. But their schools don't have the resources to match up with a Georgia or even a Vanderbilt (OK, maybe Vandy).

What they do have is a willingness to travel, and what they get back in return is often in the neighborhood of $1 million. With that much doled out from Deep Pockets U., they can make up a large portion of their budget.

But they don't take it far enough. My team is going all the way with it.

And I think we can make more money as a complete and utter flop. Sound familiar?

The other teams go back to their conferences, fulfilling their desires to be competitive and have home games with average, at best, attendance.

My team? The University of Trade School International College Fightin' Baby Giraffes? We don't need home games.

All 13 are played on the road, more if we can work that out, and all against the powerhouses of the land. Plus, we save a boatload on upkeep – no stadium.

What about training? What about the YMCA? It offers family specials, and we UTSIC F'n Baby Giraffes are nothing if not a family. As for a playing field, we find somebody with a big yard and offer to mow the lawn in return for its use.

There's a great sales pitch for the players, too. Not only do they get a "great" education, they get to step out on the fields of the greatest teams in the country week in and week out, playing before tens of thousands, even at half capacity.

Plus, if you're thinking about becoming a Baby G-Man, you couldn't make a roster anywhere else. So, come on down to … wherever we are … and try to grab some of your high school gear on the way out.

As with any great entrepreneurial venture, I'm sure there will be naysayers. But I know an emerging market when I see one.

Louisiana Monroe signed seven-figure deals to play Arkansas and Auburn this year. They came out 1-1, and came really close to 2-0.

No one is going to pay to play those guys anymore. And with the ever-deepening talent pool, more teams are going to start giving the elites a run for their money.

All I have to do is send that to all the school bigwigs and ask, "Do you want this to happen on your home field? I didn't think so. UTSIC is here to help."

Less than perfect (but not much less)

South Carolina's Connor Shaw had a good day Saturday. That's an understatement. He had a really good day - almost spotless.

On the game's opening drive, the junior quarterback for the Gamecocks missed on his first pass attempt, a ball meant for his running back on a third-and-four play. The incompletion left SC with no other choice than to punt to Missouri.

Usually, when a Steve Spurrier QB has a miscue, he throws his visor. Or when he doesn't like the team's hustle. Or when his shoelaces are untied. Or when the wife forgot to buy more Wheaties. He throws it a lot.

But after that first miss, Shaw made the Ol' Ball Coach proud. He completed all 20 of his remaining throws on the way to a 31-10 defeat of the Tigers.

Maybe there was something special in the air. Maybe he got one heck of a pep talk. Maybe he feared a Spurrier tirade leaving a blizzard of visors strewn across the field requiring a snowplow to remove them.

Any of these visor jokes working for you? No? Well, whatever it was, Shaw couldn't miss.

But while his performance was quite an accomplishment, it only took about three hours of his weekend. Turns out, the rest of Saturday and Sunday went down the same way; he would have a shaky start, only to finish in amazing fashion.

Editor's note: He probably didn't do any of this. But he could have.

For instance, Shaw:

  • Got a paper cut opening the wrapper for his Rubik's Cube. Then he solved it in 5.65 seconds – new world record!
  • Won an Emmy and forgot to thank his director. But he made everyone cry with his heartfelt, emotion-filled speech.
  • After burning the first batch, he went ahead and prepared all the food for "Chicken Finger Wednesday," a Columbia tradition, at Russell House Grand Market Place.
  • He slipped while climbing up the diving board, recovered and performed a perfect "Triple Lindy."

So congrats to him on the big weekend, and best of luck on continuing the streak. But even when it ends, remember things could always be worse.

As the late, great Rodney Dangerfield once said, "The football team at my high school, they were tough. After they sacked the quarterback, they went after his family."

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