Hot Reads: Preseason nominees for the 2014 Chinstrap Awards - Cincinnati News, FOX19-WXIX TV

Hot Reads: Preseason nominees for the 2014 Chinstrap Awards

Ole Miss quarterback Bo Wallace could be one of the best stories in the SEC this season. He could also repeat history. (Source: Ole Miss Athletics) Ole Miss quarterback Bo Wallace could be one of the best stories in the SEC this season. He could also repeat history. (Source: Ole Miss Athletics)

(RNN) - For the third consecutive season, Hot Reads is rolling out nominations for our totally biased and extremely important awards that won't actually be presented to the winners.

That was both a disclaimer and a justification for spending a heaping amount of time researching and writing this.

But don't worry. We'll be a lot nicer to the players in the SEC than the Emmy voters were to Netflix. We kind of have to - it's highly unlikely an actor could power clean the equivalent of a human being.

And the nominees for the 2014 "Chinny" Awards are…

Best Drama

Texas A&M - Hopefully, mourning the loss of Jonathan Paul Manziel doesn't result in two collateral deaths - the careers of co-heirs to the throne, Kenny Hill (the starter for now) and Kyle Allen.

LSU - All that bayou humidity can mess with your head. So can fielding players so young they don't know what VCRs look like.

Florida - "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" - which could refer to the difference between the first three games and the next three games.

Best Comedic Performance

Any defense of Mizzou's and Texas A&M's preseason rankings - Ironic that I would use the word defense, since neither team has much to offer in that area. More proof that preseason rankings are stupid.

Les Miles - Why? Because he's Les Miles. If someone creates T-shirts with that slogan, don't be stingy with the royalties.

Mississippi State's nonconference schedule - First three games - Southern Miss, UAB and South Alabama. Wow, just... wow.

Jockstrap Award

Allen, Texas A&M - Aggies fans may have been a little spoiled, which means they'll look for any reason to pounce on incumbent No. 1 Hill. Allen better not get used to those headphones.

Jacob Coker/Blake Sims, Alabama - Nick Saban said both will play against West Virginia. In which case, copy and paste the above statement and replace the names.

Terrence Magee, LSU - Or true freshman phenom Leonard Fournette. Or true freshman sensation Darrel Williams. Seriously, is anyone else amazed the Tigers always have tailbacks that are famous before they graduate high school?

Bottom-of-the-Pile Award

Bo Wallace, QB, Ole Miss - There was no doubt he improved last season, but Wallace won this award last year because of that infamous performance in the Egg Bowl. Lots of potential, but he has to turn it into production.

Dak Prescott, QB, Mississippi State - He has been the most-hyped SEC quarterback entering the season. Has anyone forgotten his team is in the same division as Auburn, Alabama and LSU? Just saying.

Nick Marshall, QB, Auburn - It's hard not to like the young man, but it's even harder to repeat the insane success from last year in a league this good.

No "I" in Team Award

Florida - A bounce-back season to match the level of talent oozing from that roster will take an all-around effort. And don't doubt they're capable of winning the SEC East.

Tennessee - Bowl eligibility, at the least, is not out of the question. The opening game against a good Utah State team is an ideal test of how far the Volunteers have come.

Arkansas - Defense and running - that's what the SEC is supposed to be all about, right? The defensive line is grossly underrated, two running backs had at least 900 yards last season and everyone - including the head coach - is a year wiser after that brutal 3-9 finish.

Unknown to Unstoppable Award

Za'Darius Smith, DE, Kentucky - He was buried underneath Alvin "Bud" Dupree's dominance and his team's overall non-dominance. But the football nerds think Smith and Dupree make the best pass rushing combo in the SEC.

Nigel Bowden, LB, Vanderbilt - Hot Reads has been talking about Bowden since he was recruited, and after a redshirt season you'll finally see why.

Chris Jones, DT, Mississippi State - If your favorite team's quarterback goes missing, it's probably because Mr. Jones ate him.

Cool Customer Award

Steve Spurrier - As always, he has been coy about how good his team is (really good) and how much of a chance it has of winning the SEC (just as good).

Bret Bielema - For a coach with zero wins in the SEC, he sure does talk with a lot of confidence.

Les Miles - Nothing ever gets to him. Well, there's late-season games against Alabama. But besides that, nada.

Gamebreaker Award

Dylan Thompson, QB, South Carolina - The first game is Thursday against a Texas A&M defense that we shall politely call unproven. "Thompson for Heisman" campaign could begin immediately.

Alex Collins, RB, Arkansas - The Hogs have Alabama at home Oct. 11, one week after the Tide returns from chasing rabbits in Oxford. Collins will be in midseason form and coming off a bye week.

Marlin Lane/Jalen Hurd, RB, Tennessee - The Vols travel to Oxford on Oct. 18 after the Rebels have two consecutive weeks of Alabama and Texas A&M.

Team Logo Face Tattoo Award

Florida fans - Nearly 98 percent attendance at home games during a season when many other fans would have denied any attachment to the team. Hats off to you.

Georgia fans - The Bulldog faithful won this award last year. Hopefully, Georgia rewards their confidence.

Texas A&M fans - They were a passionate fan base even before John Paul set foot on campus. No reason to think that won't continue.

Tree Falls in Forest Award

Dak Prescott, QB, Mississippi State - Dak and Company should get off to a 3-0 start, beginning with in-state punching bag Southern Miss.

Robert Nkemdiche, DE, Ole Miss - He'll probably have a field day against Memphis on Sept. 27, one of the worst offenses in the country last season. This game follows a bye and UL-Lafayette the week before that. Really, there should be a law against that type of schedule hedging.

Bud Dupree, DE, Kentucky - He and his line mates could handle Missouri on Nov. 1. But with previous SEC games against Florida, Vandy, South Carolina, LSU and Mississippi State, the Wildcats could be well out of the race.

Flop and Fail Award

Missouri - Sure, the Tigers were SEC East champions a year ago, and they come in ranked No. 24. But they're breaking in a ton of new players, and their division is much improved.

South Carolina - We have to face reality. Through the first five weeks, no other SEC team has a tougher run - four conference games plus an East Carolina program that has failed to reach a bowl once in the last eight seasons.

Georgia - Just one bye week between Clemson and South Carolina may not be enough. Ditto, Arkansas and Florida.

Hot Seat Award

Will Muschamp, Florida - He has talent, depth and a clock that has been running ever since Tim Tebow and Urban Meyer left town.

Gary Pinkel, Missouri - The folks who sign the checks may easily forget Pinkel is the winningest coach in program history if the Tigers fall on their faces, which is highly possible.

You Couldn't Do This Without Me Award

Reese Dismukes, C, Auburn - Last season, he won this award given to unheralded members of the team (interior linemen, kickers). He's a favorite to take it home again.

Marshall Morgan, K, Georgia - The first-team All-SEC selection is the active league leader in points scored and field goal percentage. New quarterback Hutson Mason will appreciate that.

Darius Philon Jr., DT, Arkansas - He had more tackles than any other player on the line last season, and his motor can power the rest of the defense.

Stat of the Week

7,085 - Ole Miss quarterback Bo Wallace is the SEC's active career leader in total offensive yards. An average season by his standards would put him in Jared Lorenzen and Danny Wuerffel company, who sit seventh and eighth on the all-time list. A really good season could place Wallace sixth all time, right behind Peyton Manning.

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